When It Comes To Academics, What Kind of Parent Are You?

I recently attended a parent and student forum for high school seniors, college students and the parents of both. Each group was asked to come up with a list of 5 Do’s and Don’t’s to be shared amongst the same groups. The college students were tasked with coming up with a list for the high school students and the college parents were asked to create a list for the high school parents. The objective of the exercise was to offer some advice to those who were soon to enter the college scene.

There were approximately 3 groups of parents and 3 groups of students, with approximately 10 people in each group participating.

What struck me as interesting were the differing comments regarding college freshman performance.

Several parents of college freshmen stated that they recommended that parents not be overly worried about freshman grades. They felt that the freshman year was one of adjustment and that the student should be given a “pass”, to acclimate themselves to their new environment.

While in another parent group, all clearly felt that goals and college freshman expectations should be set before the student left for college. Subsequently, the student would be less likely to play “deer in headlights” when parents were disappointed, (at a minimum) should the grades be less than stellar.

I have always taught my sons that average performance was simply not the achievement norm for them; that they should always strive for better than average because their father and I believed that they were capable of such. However, if after giving it their all, if an average grade was the outcome, we would be accepting of it, not necessarily happy, knowing that they had, in fact, put forth their best effort. We would then examine options. i.e. academic enrichment, tutoring, etc., to ensure that this was not going to be a pattern. However, to simply accept failing or less than ideal grades and chalking it up to, “Oh well, it’s what happens freshman year,” that’s just not how I function as a parent. It was clear that I was not alone in this stance, yet there were others on the complete opposite, more laid back, side of the fence.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”-Nelson Mandela

Now on the extreme, there are parents who are completely obsessed with academics and their children often suffer the consequences. Then there are some parents who simply go with the flow, “Que sera, sera” and then wonder why 30-year-old Johnny is still living at home.

It definitely makes for interesting conversation, to say the least. There is a fine line between allowing a child to “find themselves” (when did you get lost?) and allowing him/her to use that freedom as an excuse for failing. I think I’m somewhere in the middle. I set high achieving goals; however I am very reasonable when it comes to expectations. My child’s “whole self”, emotional, academic, psychological, etc. come first and foremost.

When It Comes To Academics, What Kind of Parent Are You? Tiger Mom? Easy Eve? Do you set high expectations and fear of failure is not an option? Do you let it ride, as long as Billy or Mary is happy? Is finding a happy medium on this subject realistic? Just some thoughts for all parents, regardless of where you are on the parenting spectrum.

I welcome your comments as I believe we can all learn from each other in this matter.