Having spent nearly two decades living the life of a corporate human resources executive, I have witnessed my fair share of “interesting” job-related situations.

Imagine being the target of a reckless driver and his uncontrollable road rage on your way into work, only to discover that the culprit is your 9:00 am interview.  Picture yourself behind your desk while interviewing a candidate, who not only proceeds to empty your candy jar, but also simultaneously blows his nose with one of your tissues, and then places it on your desk. Want more? Oh, I could draft a laundry list for you. However, that would prevent me from getting to the five items that I think will help YOU, the much smarter individual, during your next job search.

Let me be clear – There are no guarantees in the job search process. In my career, I have also been the interviewee and upon completion, I swore that I had nailed the interview.  On more than one occasion, that level of confidence was proven inaccurate. In fact, there were many times that I didn’t even receive an acknowledgment of the meeting.   As a human resources director, I have interviewed candidates who I thought were “shoe-ins” for positions, only to be told by the hiring managers that they weren’t interested in pursuing them any further. The art of interviewing and landing that dream job can be just as simple as that – ARTISTIC. It is without a doubt, not science and in this competitive job market; it can also leave an applicant feeling as though they are in the midst of a Vegas crapshoot.

The following list of potential reasons by far does not encompass all imaginable. These are a few that I have observed or pertain to circumstances that have been shared with me by colleagues in the field. They are not ironclad or limited in scope; however, you will be hard-pressed to identify many human resources professionals who will not have these five items somewhere on their list of pet peeves and deal breakers.

1)    FICTION: Save the embellishments and tales of fantasy for your screenplay or next novel. If you lie on your resume or during the interview, the odds are not in your favor and any reputable firm will inevitably discover that you’ve fibbed. When you know that you perform your best work solo and generally despise human interaction, DO NOT highlight fictitious excellent interpersonal skills on your resume and during the interview. Sooner rather than later, that little white lie will bite you in the backside. You will inevitably be bounced to the corporate parking lot, likely by a mob of angry co-workers who will quickly grow to despise you AND your lies.

2)    TARDINESS: The day of the interview is NOT the day to discover that you have a flat tire, childcare issues, or possess a GPS device that doesn’t know the difference between Brooklyn, New York and Brooklyn, Ohio. Employers do understand that “ish” happens, but whenever possible, see to it that “ish” happens on a day other than the one of your scheduled interview. If there is an unavoidable situation, at a minimum, contact the individual conducting the interview ASAP. The worst thing you can do in this situation (aside from not showing up at all and not calling) is simply show up, with no explanation and/or apology. Candidate “B” will gladly fill that open position for you. Trust me.

3)    CONVERSE, not Conversate: Be prepared to hold a professional, informed conversation with a prospective boss. He or she is not your friend, your dude, or your potential drinking buddy. Take the time to research the company, the related industry and the basic details of the job description. Very little infuriates an interviewer more than feeling as if they pursued you, as opposed to you expressing interest in them, which is most often the case. The interview is not the time to experiment with new, impressive, rarely used (by you), vocabulary and phrases. It is also not wise to become glued to the following examples: “Um,” “You know?” “Like” or “For sure.”  Never leave an interviewer feeling as though instead of wasting time with you that they could have had a   V-8.

4)    APPEARANCE: Know the environment in which you may potentially be working. What is an acceptable “look” in the creative world, may not be so in a finance or corporate legal environment. I have seen some exquisite tattoos and piercings in my life and possessing one or both of them is generally not a reflection of one’s ability to complete the job. However, like it or not, we live in a visual society and organizations have a brand to protect. If you’re interested in working for an organization, identify its brand and determine whether your personal style will or will not mesh with it. By the way, it works in reverse as well. The fashion industry, just as an example, isn’t generally very much turned on by the candidate who looks as if they are best suited for the stuffiest law firm in the country, either.

5)    IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S THEM: While many organizations will not dare reveal this when filling an open position, they may already have an “image” of whom they feel is best suited for their job opening. You can have the best resume, work experience, portfolio, etc., however  if you’re Joan and they really want John, or you’re a 5’2″ ginger and they strongly prefer a 5’11” brunette, they may (stupidly in my opinion) opt to bypass you, until they land that “ideal” candidate. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you; the problem is all with them, and there will be nothing you can feasibly do to change their mind. Needless to say, there are laws on the books that prohibit discrimination in many specific categories. However, narrow-minded companies who impart this type of biased selection process, generally know the legal boundaries and will see to it that they don’t blatantly cross them. While it may seem baffling at the time of the rejection, in the long term it’s probably for the better. Why would you want to work for an organization, no matter how great an opportunity it may be, that would partake in such practices? Unless you suspect blatant discrimination and can prove it, I would consider it their loss and recommend that you keep it moving.

There are few of us who have not made a few interview mistakes in our lives. However, in a competitive job market, it behooves us to be on our “A” game each and every time we are afforded the opportunity to be considered.

When that dream job comes your way, you want to be 100% ready to land it, so be prepared with a common sense “TO DO LIST.”

A great starting point would be to ensure that the five items above, at a minimum, are on your “DON’T LIST.”

Copyright August 2014 Jacqueline DuJour